Hello!
Happy Easter!Last week l told you how you can get what you want in life and l also told you that l hadn`t found my goal in love yet and even more important l told you that:
I decided to find out what it is.
Because l realized l was just walking in circles without deciding what kind of love relationship(s) l wanted to have.
So therefor l have asked myself big love questions this last week.
-What kind of relationship do l want?
– What do I need from a man?
-or do l want a woman? (ha ha!)
– Do l want to have one or several close to me?
-Or none?
– Do l want to commit to someone?
Big questions…
And the first thing l realized was that l didn`t want to have anyone close.
Well…..ha ha….
l thought that was what l wanted, but then l realized after more consideration that that wasn`t it;
I was just scared.
I was (is) scared of letting someone too close. I`m afraid of being hurt.
All though l`ve been single for two years now, my heart is like:
Are you sure you want or dare to trust another person? Why bother? Why risk anything? You are doing fine aren`t you?
And l was:
Yes, l know. I`m doing fine and I`m more happy than l`ve been in ages, but there is just….….just this feeling.. That feeling of wanting to have one special person in my life.
One I can share my magic with.
The one person that truly gets me,
that sees me for who I really am,
and that loves me and makes me feel loved, everyday.
The person who is the first person you think of and the last one before you go to sleep.
A person that recpects and admires me for who l`m.
And l realized I do want to have a person like that, one I can have close.
A person that makes me a better person being with him.
One that makes me feel even better about myself then l already do and that makes me feel loved and free. Free to be me and free to do what l want.
A selfish love goal?
Oh yes! I want nothing less for myself or for the person l`m with. Remember it goes both ways. I want the same for him.
And yes, l believe it`s a him. Never say never, but l believe I want a close relationship with a man.
And honestly….
I`ve never experienced that before, but l have never written it down what l wanted out of love either. And l still haven`t specified my goal yet and l`ll do that in the next future. None the less l know now my main goal, what l really want:
I want to have a person l can share my thoughts and feelings, my body and soul, my happiness and sorrow, my dreams and my magic with.
He has to be honest and true to himself and me.
He has to dare to be true to his feelings and truth.
He has to make me feel loved and safe.
That`s it. That`s what l want.
And what about the other persons that l love? I will keep loving him, him, him, him and him and l don`t know how that will be honestly. I can`t and l won`t stop loving and the love relationship l`ll want, have to embrace that love too. The one l choose to have closer. It doesn`t change my love for them. What changes is my love for the one l choose to be close with. He will get an even bigger love from me.
The point is that l now have a goal:
I want to have someone closer to me and when l now know what l want (all though l`m freaking scared)
I´m sure l`ll find that kind of relationship.
And who knows…
Maybe l already have the man in my life?
Maybe it`s just time to let him in and let him come closer…
To let him know my goal and to see if he shares my vision for love too.
Maybe he doesn`t, maybe he does,
Excited to find out if he does?
So am l! Ha ha!
But it doesn`t really change anything, it doesn`t change my goal.
I mean when l know what l want, l can´t be too sad if he doesn`t share my goal. How can l? If he doesn`t share my goal, it just means that l can`t have him close to me anyways. It would just be hurtful to be too close to him, because l wouldn`t be true to me and my love vision. And l sure as hell don`t want that, and if so, then l sure as hell don`t want to be closer to him.
Do you get what l mean? I can`t loose.
No matter what he answers l win, as long as l`m true to my goal.
If he says no, l will still say yes to myself, my truth, my goal and win. (Because being true to myself gives me peace).
If he says yes, we both say yes to the same love goal and we both win (and yes that would be magical! I admit that! Because yes, l like him.)
Two yeses would start of a new love journey for us both.
The man I`m thinking of is not necessarily the answer. I already have my answer. The question I need to find an answer to: Is if it`s he or another man that will be right for me- and my love goal.
So, with my love goal, it`s time to find a closer relationship. My love life will now definitively take a new turn. How can it not? When l now know what l want and l`ll act out based on that.
So,
have a splendid Sunday full of love and remember:
You`ll never get what you want, if you don`t know what you want.
Stay in love.